What causes narcissstic behavior in adults?

Denial of Self and the subsequent inability to “see” oneself in childhood, causes narcissistic behavior in adulthood. It’s this constant need to have their false self affirmed, since the authentic self never was, which makes them appear self centered and potentially self adoring.

This is caused by the need for a child to replace their basic needs and wants in exchange for the comfort and convenience of a caregiver. It can happen through outright abuse, simple and small neglects and denials, and everything in between.

If a child constantly feels shamed and unaccepted, they will ditch themselves for what will seek them approval. If they don’t, they’ll be scapegoated. This is where the golden child and scapegoat diverge in coping strategies. The scapegoat fights for their authentic self, the golden child abandons theirs.

When one gives themselves up for another, we call this “codependency”. It says, “I will give myself up for you”. The next step is to give oneself up to a false image of themselves, just like what they’ve learned from the narcissist of origin. The child taking on a false image is satisfying for the narcissist of origin. It validates the coping strategy and illusion, thereby making them feel correct. This is why the golden child is golden.

Codependency and narcissism can be co-occurring in individuals, with the denial response adjusting to the environment. In this instance, one can appear narcissistic when in a position of power and codependent when they are not. This lack of object permanence related to self and others is the curse of Narcissus.

Be what you want to see! With love, Keya Diné