On Boundaries

Negotiating with unsovereign people is an act of stupidity. Boundaries are in the space between what you want and what you can expect, just as disappointment is in the space between what you want and what you actually get. Ergo, boundaries are instrumental in preventing disappointment.

For instance, let's say someone who has proven to be unreliable and self centered needs something from you. You could go back and forth only to end up with a surprise and untimely exchange, completely on their terms without regard to your wellbeing. You might want to blame them but did you set clear boundaries? Because that's YOUR job!

For instance, "you may pick up your item after such and such a time but not after such and such time on these specific days". Be sure your boundaries are reasonable and then be clear anything outside of respected boundaries will not be acceptable.

Most people don't actually care about "acceptable" beyond their own projection. They care more about how they feel and look. So, don't expect setting boundaries to be warmly received and don't expect delivering them warmly will be received. If it's not making someone uncomfortable with boundaries uncomfortable, it's likely not an effective one.

It's not fun, but no tolerance and making someone uncomfortable is the only way to keep oneself safe from the narcissistic, codependents, and exploiters out there. Be firm, be clear, be consistent!

Be what you want to see! With love, Keya Diné 🤎